A Different Kind of Strength

"You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves" ~ Mary Oliver (from the poem " Wild Gees")

Recently, I joined a 9-month-long online gathering with my yoga teacher, along with a group of beautiful women. In our first session just last week, we explored the theme of Strength vs. Vulnerability — a conversation that brought up so much reflection in me. We spoke of Durga, the Hindu Goddess of courage and protection, whose power and presence my fellow yogis may very well intimately know. I feel her presence within me deeply, but also many of her shadows.

It is so clear to me (and it may resonate with you too)  that in our culture, we always  celebrate and admire strength. We admire those who rise above, bounce back, and keep going no matter what. And I know this very intimately. Losing my parents in my early 20s and mid 30s,  and later on both my brothers(one to illness and other to Covid), and in between, facing my own battle with cancer, I became a "navy seal" in the art of resilience. Not by choice. Each time my life dismantled and shattered, I found a way to gather the pieces, stand tall, and move forward. Along the way I’ve been praised for my resilience and strength. 

I'm proud of that strength and do my best to teach my young kids its importance. Without it, I wouldn’t be here writing this — or serving my communities through yoga, retreats, and coaching, offering the support and space we all need to find our way back to ourselves.

But with age, I’ve also come to understand that strength isn’t just about enduring. It’s also about recognizing and even more so ALLOWING  when life asks us to soften, to step away from the constant need to ‘bounce back’ right away, and instead, to simply be whatever and however we bloody feel. And for as long as we need to.

I wasn’t taught how to sit with the weight of grief. So I dove right back into work and moving forward with life. As fast as possible. 

How to rest without guilt.  So I kept working, producing, achieving. Until the illness came — loud and clear.

How to recognize that resilience can also mean allowing yourself to crumble, to feel, to pause. This part I’m only just learning now, in my early 50s. And honestly? It still feels bloody hard.

The truth is, strength isn’t only in the rising — sometimes it’s in the resting. 

So, as I sat on that zoom call with 15 other women (from all over the world) we explored these very truths. Mothers, daughters, wives, and caretakers — each of us  navigating and balancing the relentless demands of life while carrying our own invisible burdens. 

We closed the session with these words below that resonated so deeply that I read them in my classes this past week:

"Let's stop beating ourselves up for not being more resilient in a world that is too often unliveable.

We keep hearing that we should 'bounce back,' or 'pivot,' or 'find the lesson' and 'change our mindset.'

But what if the world is asking too much? What if our nervous systems are over here saying: 

"It makes sense if you're tired."

"It makes sense if you're not 'growing' right now."

"It makes sense if you're questioning things you used to be sure of."

We can't self-care our way out of structures that are making us unwell. We need REST that isn't about recovering to be productive again. 

We need CONNECTION that isn't about performance. 

So here's a collective permission slip:

You don't have to 'rise above' today.

You don't have to be grateful for the hard things.

You don't have to be resilient in ways that hurt you.

What if resilience isn't about endurance? What if it's about imagining something new? 

Maybe we don't need to be 'stronger'. Maybe we need to rest, dream, and rebuild together. "

~ by Sarah Ball  https://www.instagram.com/sarahball.yoga.counselling/ (A great page to follow for very generous, intelligent, and compassionate content especially around Yoga for mental health).

Reading this again, reminded me why I host retreats. Why they matter. Why I need to remind us all — myself included — that strength also means allowing softness and vulnerability. To step away from the noise, the expectations, the endless striving — and simply be. However we are. However we feel.

To reconnect with our bodies, our breath, and the natural world. To feel the Earth’s pulse beneath our feet and in our hearts. To give ourselves a collective permission slip to be strong in all the so-called “wrong places” — in softness, non-resistance, vulnerability, stillness, and rest.

My upcoming retreat, Soulful Nourishment, April 26th-May 1st at Santani Wellness in Sri Lanka might be just the perfect space for that. A space to breathe, to move, to heal — and to be held by the lush beauty of nature and the warmth of one another. Safely. Without judgment.

If you feel pulled to join me on this journey, I would be honored to guide you.