“ The most important thing is the acquisition of Enlightenment. The goal is often served by a persistent flexibility, and to encompass without reconciling contradictions”
Abhinavagupta, 10th century Kashmiri philosopher & mystic
Hello dearest ones,
I have just returned from a 2 week trip to two of Tamil Nadus most revered pilgrimage sites, Arunachala in Thiruvannamalai and Sri Narayani Peedam in Thirumalaikodi.
As I am doing my best to land gently into my routine, I am reflecting on my days spent meditating, chanting, daily temple visits, twice daily pujas (offering/worship), seva (selfless service), and I wanted to share some of those reflections with you, in a few parts newsletter.
So here goes the Part 1 : Contradictions.
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It is not easy to describe India. It has to be experienced.
It is a country of deep contrasts. It is a beautiful, wretched, aromatic, nourishing and soul-bleeding place.
The wave of emotions evoked by my experiences has transported me to a deeper understanding of what it means to be human. Amidst the chaos and dirt, India has an underlying hum, an unspoken rhythm to which you must adapt or you will not survive its intensity.
It is a land of big contrasts, an endless contradictions; Serenity and chaos, peace and non- stop beeping noise on the streets; beauty of Golden temples and dirty, polluted streets leading up to them; divine smells of exotic incense mixed up with the smell of heat, spices and curries; It's a country where all your senses are fully engaged, all the time. ALL THE TIME . Dust, poverty and waste, blend with a swirl of deities and the divine.
My western brain has tried for years to reconcile all of these contradictions. It has arrived to nowhere. It's impossible to make logical sense of it. I came to learn from mother India that contradictions are part of who we are. And that we have the ability to hold both, with equal grace. Just as she does.
On days when I feel I am doing great as a mom and everything is going effortlessly, it's easy to hold that truth and relish in the way it feels in my body. But years back when my kids were small and I was getting no sleep and was burning a candle on both ends, I was tired, my patience was thin and I did have thoughts of how lovely it would be to be free and in Bali, doing yoga, sleeping in and riding my scooter to the next vegan cafe!
Of course, I didn't leave my kids to go to Bali, and of course I love my kids to ever do that, but there it was ... a shameful thought of a break (or more of an escape) from being a mother and feeling free again.
Just as poetic India, I too am learning to hold my contradictions without letting them make me feel bad and guilty. We all hold both sides of the coin; kind and cruel, generous and selfish, non-judgmental and highly critical, compassionate and indifferent, patient and impatient, loving and cold. If you take a moment to reflect on all of these qualities you would easily find examples in your own life for every one of them.
It is when we shine light of awareness on those less desired parts of our Self that we can start to understand where they are coming from and welcome them. They usually sneak on the back door, trespassing without us often even noticing.
A 10th century Kashmiri mystic Abhinavagupta said this:
"The most important thing ( in life) is the acquisition of enlightenment. The goal is often served by a persistent flexibility, and to encompass without reconciling contradictions” .
So my friends, "persistent flexibility and encompassing ( to hold within)" is perfectly OKAY. It's a dance we are all dancing here on Earth in these temporary bodies. So keep dancing, noticing, growing and holding it ALL in. And remember, deep down you are perfect just as you are.
Hari Om,
Danica
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